Branching Out

Contrary to rumor, the Stick does occasionally come down from his perch. He's more Lumholtz tree-kangaroo than Tarzan. Nonetheless, we learn from the Post's panda watch:

"He spends all his day in a tree," said Lisa Stevens, an assistant curator and the author of the well-read, twice-a-week Web reports on the cub's progress.

A Church of Stick neophyte became gravely concerned after reading this, asking "Do pandas live in trees? Is he stuck up there?"

Thankfully, two of our trusty operatives were on the case and sent back the following report:

Breaking News: The panda was not stuck after all. An eye witness account: "He climbed down from the tree -- it was a breath-taking experience, truly. He sort of caught himself with his arms and then shimmied down." This reporter picked a bad time for a pee break.

Super Big Grup

It sounds like Stick's Mom has been spending too much time embracing awful New York Magazine cover stories:

"Mom Mei Xiang has gone from being super-protective of her baby to only casually observing any of his new activities. They play together, roughly, and she will give him a swat if he gets too rambunctious or tries to take her food. 'He's a play toy for her,' Stevens said."

She's also notorious for hogging the Ping Pong table at Cue Bar.

Stick in the Bush

The Stick is unimpressed. "It's not like she's snow or anything." [NBC]

A Stick by Any Other Name

As if the keepers at the National Zoo didn't have enough to deal with: apparently some particularly adament panda fans took offense to some of the nicknames bestowed on the Stick by the staff, including "little toad," "little monster," "wild man," and "rotten child." Today's blog entry is apologetic:

The nicknames we mentioned are endearing but descriptive remarks about a sometimes determined and stubborn little bear cub! We say them in humor only and not because we have any negative feelings for him.

Kinda worried about Stick fans who are that earnest. When we said we worship the little guy, we were joking... The last thing we need are panda riots.

P.S.: "Little toad"?

Don't Eat the Butter Snow

"And if you wave your paws like this it makes an angel!"

We hope everyone out there had as good a time in the snow as the Stick and mom did.

(P.S.: Dirty, dirty pandas...)

Belated Birthday Greetings to the Stick!

We're not sure how the folks at Gothamist knew that Butterstick turned seven months old recently, but they did pick up one hell of a cake, and they brought Jerry Orbach back from the grave to do it!




Aw, we love "Law and Order" too...

A New Stick in the Shtick Clique

I can't believe it's not Butter. Nonetheless, this little ball o' love can stick it to you just the same. Yes, we pine for you lil' porky. However, we have to agree with a local write-up of your birth:

"The new baby is certainly cute, though not as cuddly as some of the other babies born at the zoo."

"National Zoo Welcomes New Addition
Baby Porcupine Born At The Zoo"

Introducing the Butterstick Day Care Center

Tired of paying the heating bill? The Free-Lance Star has a great remedy: just drop your kids off at the National Zoo. It beats daycare.

We like how they advise making the Stick your top priority on the zoo tour, but the way they put it is a little harsh: "Let's get Tai Shan out of the way first."

And then there's this nonsense, "Or you could just enjoy the zoo's other cute youngsters."

Please.

A "sturdy 4-year-old Asian elephant" is going to compete with the world's cutest fuzzball?

But this did catch our eye. After all, nobody should tend to their Stick tick on an empty stomach: "Children can also check out a giant climbable 'pizza' whose subtle message is to show how veggies are grown."

Pizza and panda? We don't want get to get our hopes up, but there may just be a benevolent god at work out there.

Coming Clean

I feel like a deadbeat dad. No love for the Stick in ages - not even a child support check written on bamboo parchment. So, after all this neglect, I finally got ahold of one of those high-demand tickets to see the Stick in person, 9:30am sharp. But it only gets worse. I slept in. No Stick.

I'd say it's something akin to Charlie throwing out his golden ticket. But that's an insult to the Stick.

Now my dreams are filled with visions of his sad, plump face staring behind bars from which he will never be extricated. For what it's worth, I plan to spend the rest of the night washing away my sins with this collectable bottle of Stick antibacterial soap:

Islamopanism

Dana Milbank picks his benchmarks: "The trial of Sept. 11 conspirator Zacarias Moussaoui is proving to be a tougher ticket than the baby panda at the National Zoo."

True. If only the Stick had the blood of thousands on his adorable fuzzy paws. Or perhaps there's still time for him to catch up in Milbank's popularity contest! Faster, panda, kill, kill!

Introducing Washington Week in Preview [Slate]